PART ELEVEN
.... By June 2016 I had found myself staying at a hostel on a small tropical island off the coast of Panama. I was living out of a backpack that was only packed for several weeks in a single location and didn't know what my next destination was. I remained devoted to my own practice and meditation, asking for the guidance and courage to continue to wherever it was I would be asked to go. It seems that when life is happening we forget to be devoted to ourselves so whilst alone and abroad it was easy for me to realize the importance my practice played in my life. It was also liberating because before this, it seemed at least partially that my practice was somehow about achieving something, getting somewhere, or doing it for others as a result of my egoic desire to prove something. At this point, practice was just something that I did. I just had to show up for myself. What else was I going to do? It took on a whole new meaning, and consequently when I had the opportunity to teach donation yoga classes at my hostel I was ecstatic. The classes grew in size and had their own pulse and rhythm to them, just like the breath that breathes us. They were a celebration between myself and myself - seeing the students merely as reflections of myself and my own role as a teacher was simply to be myself. I was having fun again and the feeling like I was being inauthentic began to decay. I collected enough in tips to support my cheap lifestyle; most days it paid for my dorm stay and lunch. It helped that I could forage mangos and coconuts so with my newfound freedom yet the absence of a plan, I was determined to explore the world according to the flow of energy that fueled me. As long as it felt right, I could just 'go with the flow', as they say. Where would I end up...?
Part TWELVE
.... This surrender into the flow led me to couchsurf with a very generous and kind local Panamanian I had met until it carried me onward... and inward, towards the mountains. I think I had spent about 4 weeks on the Caribbean coast and the cool air of Boquete, Panama called to me. I arrived sometime around late June, found another beautiful a cheap hostel to stay at after wandering around the town for a bit. It was gorgeous! I had a nice open expanse of grass by a flowing creek I could practice on and a diverse group of open backpackers to connect with. I spoke with the owner and donation yoga classes sprung up once again. Life continued to support me in the form of different people and places. I still couldn't figure out what exactly I was doing or where this would all take me, but I started to realize that I don't think we are supposed to know so I just gave up trying. As long as I kept showing up, life appeared to give me everything I could ask for, because ironically all that we really want is to stop wanting. By just being present, the desires and aspirations disappeared and the gift of simply being alive was readily available. Abundantly and infinitely available, in fact. At first, everything was alright, but even abroad and beyond any influential events or major triggers, the story of how I needed to 'do something' kept reemerging. What was I to prove with only two pairs of pants, several tank tops and no underwear, or socks? I continued to surrender to the divine mystery that appeared to look a lot like 'life living me' instead of 'me living life', only looking back I believe they are the same thing. It just takes the willingness of giving up our limited idea of what we want life to look like so that we can relax into the beauty and perfection that it already is...
Part THIRTEEN
.... I was getting frustrated at myself for feeling lost again. I was in this perfect environment, beautiful mountain village in Panama, practicing and teaching yoga daily, and the initial expansiveness and liberation that I'd felt upon first deciding to travel were drying up. I asked and prayed for guidance in my morning meditations. A repeating mantra I kept with me became strong - "I am divinely guided and protected. I have all that I need. All that I need to know is revealed to me." I began creating a plan to move on, even though I hadn't received any direct communication or felt the flow pull me onward. My plan was to head south, eventually making my way into Colombia where I'd practice more Spanish and then travel on through South America. It's amazing what we can dream up. Through my impatience I merely missed the sign for my true next destination....
Part FOURTEEN
... An adorable Indian girl came up to me after one of my yoga classes one morning. She was a volunteer at the hostel I was staying at. Her name was Nidhi, and she bubbled about how great the class and my teaching was. It's hard not to let those sort of things bring a sense of swell; I was simply having so much fun teaching and sharing my practice at that point. I thanked her. We probably hugged. Little did I know, her next words were one of the biggest challenges I would face. "You must go to India." I laughed. I've realized that I often smile and/or laugh as a distraction to myself, preventing me from taking things too seriously. She repeated "no - you NEED to go to India!" I knew in my heart her words were true - it was like they formed themselves into the fist of God and hammered at the gates of my soul. I resisted it at first as the storm of truth swept through and tore down the house of dreams I had dreamt of my adventures through South America. Resistance to the flow had become painful as trusting the energy was rapidly transforming me. When she returned that night with her laptop and told me that her volunteer work exchange stay was ending in two weeks and she had to return home TO INDIA so she had to purchase plane tickets, it was like the Universe had practically rolled out a red carpet to me. She even said she would speak to her parents about me staying with them and could pick me up from the airport. As she handed me her laptop to purchase my ticket, I was asked once again to give up my plan in favor of Life's plan; to surrender myself to God's will, the Universal will that was responsible for all of Creation....
Part FIFTEEN
... I bought a one way ticket to India from Panama in July 2016. I had only been gone from home for two months but it felt like long time. The next leg of life's journey was looking even longer, but I was determined. Determined for what? To discover what this yoga thing really meant to me; to find out what exactly it was that was sweeping me along on an apparently infinite current. There seemed to be a willingness driving me forward and moments of resistance were painful. Funny - because then I realized after purchasing my ticket that I needed a visa to enter the country, so I breathed a (false) sigh of relief as I quickly canceled my flight for a full refund before the 24 hour window. I let Nidhi know, my Indian friend who was to pick me up from the airport, and she sympathized with me. For some reason I didn't feel any better about it. So I went down into the small mountain town of Boquete's post office and did some searching online. I tried figuring out a way to get my passport mailed to the visa office in the States and get a 6 month tourist visa approved. Wouldn't work - had to be in my native country to do that. Again, it seemed like the greater plan was falling apart, but I just knew there was a way. By chance I found a link to a recent form called the ETV on the India government website. An E-tourist visa. I could apply online and pay a fee and they would grant me 30 of conditional access if approved. Thirty days! I was going to fly half way across the world to a country where I felt like a search of indeterminable length was pulling me and I could only spend a few weeks there. Then I realized if thirty days was all I was going to get, that that was all I needed, so I submitted my online application and waited...
