No matter what background we come from, no matter our upbringing, no matter our ancestral ties or lineage…. There seems to be a common quest for understanding in all humans. An imploring search to discover who and what we are, where we came from, and what happens next. This is the human condition. We seem to get trapped in the notion that we are unique and this is what separates us from each other. We think in terms of “my” and “mine” and “they” and “theirs” , getting stuck in illusions that prevent us from really connecting on deeper and deeper levels. We forget that we are, in our own unique way, searching for the same answer that everyone else is. We add layers upon layers, stories upon stories, to our own doubt and uncertainty, blaming others for the fear and heartbreak that seems to exist in partnership with the existential crisis we face by merely being alive. We are afraid because we are unwilling to surrender our need to know. We are in fear because we aren’t ready to let go of who we think we are. We are so wrapped up in our identities, in our personal realities, that we literally cannot see the world in a different way. We become a victim of circumstances, but really we are just victimizing ourselves, because we aren’t ready to be vulnerable with the world, to be seen by the world, and to just… be. To be in the world without being defined by it. We take everything that happens to us personally and we let circumstances and events continue to color in our lines.
It is like this constantly. We carry our burden forward into each new moment, and instead of opening new eyes, we are looking through the muck of the past, distorting the divine potentials with our pain. We’ve lost what it is like to be in wonder and awe at the mystery, and trade our guarantee of infinity for a cheap ticket to familiarity. We’ve sold our soul to the devil, where the devil is just the habitual self, playing its script on repeat. We’ve been down that road before, we know how it ends. It’s not exciting us anymore, but we are so afraid to open to what could be that we return to what always was. In our boredom, we get frustrated, and as a result this is reflected to us in many ways. The world reflects it to us; our friends and family reflects it us, and because we are afraid to be vulnerable with them, we never get anywhere. We afraid to really open up about what’s going on inside and we tell everyone that things are great when inside we are dying. Our old self is dying, and our soul is crying out and begging for us to let down the walls.
Eventually, there is a shift. Things happen in life and we catch ourselves doing something we’ve never done before and it is exhilarating. We catch ourselves saying something out of the ordinary and it excites us. We wonder “where did that come from…?” We begin listening to our intuition – its louder than ever - and we are actually finding courage to follow its call. It leads us down unfamiliar roads and our old fears are there like guard dogs, barking at each gate, attempting to dissuade us from our mission. But something in us has awakened, and it doesn’t seem to be going back to sleep. The stirring has moved us deeply for too long, and we are now forced with a decision. Move ahead? Or stay behind? Option A keeps you up at night. It is creating conflict because every time you turn a blind eye to it, something happens to remind you that you’ve awoken, and there is no turning back. The cognitive dissonance is real, and you are trying so hard to return to normal but cannot. Option B is equally frustrating because you are voluntarily choosing the route which you know now is unfulfilling. You try to cover up and turn a blind eye to this, but can no longer feign ignorance. Sometimes you get away with it, but you know you are lying to yourself, and it pains you. You project this pain on others and they reflect it to you, perfectly, just the way it should be. The way you wanted to be, actually, before you came here. Before you signed up for this.
Yes, you signed up for this. You signed up for all the pain, all the suffering, all the lessons that you are going through now. They are all part of your soul’s journey home. Every feeling you have is a compass inward. No one is responsible for all of this. You are responsible for all of this. There is no one to blame. Playing victim will just prolong the inevitable, which is the ego-melting realization that by being a victim we’ve attached ourselves to our pain, because it defines “us”. By being a victim, we are admitting “I am not willing to forgive, so I will hold on to this pain for longer, until I am too exhausted by the hurt, and will let go.” And then, when we forgive and let go, then what? We have new energy waiting for us, creative potential waiting to be repurposed. This spiritual fuel can now be directed towards the things that bring us joy. And guess what? This is happening on micro-levels all throughout our day. We forget that we hold on to our beliefs so dearly that they become mini-victimizations, because when someone does not believe what we believe, or if someone falls to meet our expectations, we’ve allowed ourselves to be a victim. We’ve pitted “us” versus “them”. We are now hurt by external circumstances. The truth is, this externality only exists to set us free.
I’m writing this because I’m going through it all, too. I’m writing because, on the deepest level, I AM you. And I want to help. We all do. And the more we take these steps into the unknown, the more we see we are all in it together. It is the greatest of all journeys, the journey back to the Source, and in the great words of Master Ram Dass “we are all walking each other home”. There is a lot of pain in the world. A lot of suffering. The collective is hurting, our Earth is crying out. And if we keep reacting to the play on the projection screen, we will get nowhere. If we keep seeing the things outside of us, and pointing fingers, we aren’t walking anywhere in unison. We are walking in different directions. The work is inside, first, then the outside serves as reminder to us or what we’ve done internally. No, you cannot meditate the plastic out of the oceans. But you can find peace and calm through your daily practice which will stop you from perpetuating a chain reaction that has been going on through your ancestral line since the beginning of time. You can heal your parents, and your parents’ parents, and so on. You can heal your families, your race, your culture, your nation, and eventually your planet. YOU can. No one else is going to. So find the things that lift your spirit, while at the same time finding forgiveness in your heart for where you’ve wasted time doing things that aren’t that. Discover that compassion for yourself can mean being vulnerable, it can mean discipline, it can mean many things. Find strength in weakness. Drop the front. Be honest – so honest that it hurts. Let your heart break. Notice where you are afraid and lean on that door with persistence. Above all, love – earnestly and without reason. Step forward boldly into the unknown again and again, accompanied only by Love, and you will discover Her eternal companions, Faith and Hope, are not so far away.
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