Written by Jaden Ramsey, co-founder and instructor of BTGY
We’ve inherited many ways of relating that don’t necessarily serve the individual in their union with another. Not only this, but we’ve had our own experience in relationships that have created fear or anxiety around entering into intimacy with another. We’ve created walls because of these past experiences (our own and those of our ancestors). Everyone can relate to the initial concern of becoming vulnerable in a new relationship. We think about our past and how we may have ‘failed’ or how we may have been hurt by someone we loved dearly. This prevents us from opening our hearts because we stay in the protection of the walls we’ve built around it. This materializes in the distrust in monogamy, the constant seeking/validation of love, the desire for someone to save us from our suffering, and the list go on. We have become unable to enter into true intimacy with ourselves, let alone with another human being. The ultimate Yoga is the yoga of relationship because when we embark on a journey with another soul we begin to untangle the trauma of past relationships. This is scary. There’s no longer any chance to distract ourselves or hide from the wounds that have been directing our lives. The beauty in this though is that the relationship brings these to the light in order to heal them. This is our opportunity to change the karmic patterns. We’re required to re-experience or realize our trauma in some way in order to heal it. It’s the only way out. The current cultural patterning has us running from the experience of true union with another human being. We are not intimate with ourselves, in other words not intimate with our own experience so there is no possibility we could be intimate with another. We don’t know what we want because we are so imprisoned by the traumatic experiences of our past, including the trauma we’ve taken on from society as a whole. Given this, we continually live out the patterns that validate the trauma. Becoming intimate with our own experience is realizing these patterns and how they continually show up in our lives. How we repeat cycles, seemingly on this never-ending loop of having to seek the next relationship in order to run from the trauma that comes up when we get to close to Love. We must realize that this is the gift of Life. We continue to repeat these things because our soul wants to heal them. As mentioned before, we must re-experience or at least realize our trauma in order to heal it. The soul ultimately just wants to evolve and it will continually reflect our illusions of limitations to us until we realize they were just limits we placed on ourselves, a past experience that we’ve continued to project onto our future. What do we truly want? I can only speak for myself, but from my experience, it is a deep connection which eventually leads to union. This is something that we can extend to our relationship with Life in all aspects and circumstances. This requires receptivity which is a trait that has been washed out of the Western culture. We are not receptive to our experiences. We often run from the circumstances that we find ourselves in by blaming some exterior person or thing. Cultivating a receptivity to Life just means that we accept and surrender to the experiences that are happening/have happened. There’s no story associated with the experience, therefore there is no possibility for us to become a victim in the story. There’s no possibility for trauma (or trauma to repeat itself) if there is no story, no victim. Life is happening and we are just a natural part of it. In the West, we’ve created a paradigm that demands control over Life. We try to control all circumstances, which inevitably leads to our demise because, as we’ve all witnessed, we cannot prepare for most things that Life gives us. When we understand this, we become receptive to the experiences we have and consequently intimate with Life as it is. When we cultivate this intimacy within ourselves we are able to extend it to our relationships. We must understand and take the steps to actualize our birthright to have intimacy with our Life. If both individuals do this before they enter into intimacy with each other, the ancestral and past experienced trauma will not be projected onto the relationship. Not to say that these things won’t come up as we move deeper into Love. They most definitely will, but it is the intimacy that both individuals have with Life that will help them realize these are just patterns, able to be alchemized/healed for good. This is Yoga. Both parties are holding space for the self-perceived limitations of the other and empowering them to realize that these are just stories. In this mutual exchange of receptivity and strength, a union is created, where two independent individuals come together to generate a force that is more powerful. The parts create the whole and the whole is more powerful than the parts on their own. We need to take ownership and be really honest with ourselves about what it is we actually want because deep down we know what’s keeping us from getting it. Life can be so magical when we continually open to it, especially in the wake of fear. This opening takes an authentic and conscientious acceptance of where we are currently. This is inclusive of all the ‘mistakes’ we think we’ve made and the trauma we’ve experienced. We open to the fact that we don’t have anything figured out and from there the mysteries of Life are given permission to flow through our veins. Life is willing to give us as much as we are willing to receive, so we must be receptive to experience the connection, unity, grace, etc. that our soul yearns for. We must honor the pining of the soul. The only other option is to be someone we know we are not, which is the definition of suffering. So, take your relationships seriously and pay especially close attention to the intimate ones. They are here to show you exactly what you want and if you listen close enough they’re telling you that you already have everything that you’ve ever been looking for.
~Jaden Ramsey
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